via An Apple a Day
[You probably know Katie from her classic-with-a-twist blog, The Neo-Traditionalist, and you’ve probably seen her devastatingly chic engagement photos. With the upcoming launch of Matchbook, I’m not sure how she found the time, but I’m so pleased to have Katie (newlywed!) here today.]
I feel a bit silly writing a post about marriage having been married myself for a mere four months, but in racking my brain for material one thought kept coming to mind — remember to laugh. There is so much hoopla surrounding love and marriage these days it’s easy to find yourself stressed in a quest for “perfection.”
I was more than a bit nervous walking up the aisle so when my pug, Alfred the ring bearer, burst out barking and everyone giggled it was welcome comic relief. The florist doesn’t always show up with the exact shade of pink and the honeymoon hotel may have lost your reservation (don’t worry, Kathryn, I’m sure yours won’t…), but as long as you and your partner can laugh about it you’re bound to have fun.
These photos from our engagement session with Cooper Carras always remind me of John’s ability to make me laugh in any situation. We’d just met Cooper and neither John nor myself are big hams for the camera, but my husband’s silliness instantly put me at ease. I look forward to someday showing the photos to our children and grandchildren—proof that our old and wrinkle-filled faces are due to years of good, old-fashioned laughs.
Best wishes to you, Kathryn and Ryan!
Photos by Cooper Carras.
[A Practical Wedding was an invaluable source of sanity and encouragement as I planned my wedding, and since Meg and I both live in the Bay Area, we get to have pizza together and gab about weddings and blogs in person.]
If you’re reading this website, chances are very good that you’ve been called a bride for months and months. But here is a newsflash: you’re not a bride. Not yet, anyway.
For most of us, the liminal state of bride-dom lasts for about ten hours. It’s long enough to put on the dress, say the vows, transform yourself from a single person to part of a brand new family, and then party like it’s going out of style. And then it’s over, and that’s a good thing. So the question is, how do we take those ten hours and experience them to their fullest? How do we get what we need out of this liminal state, and move forward with minimal regrets and a lifetime of memories?
In short: you need to really show up emotionally, let go of all the planning you worked so hard on, and embrace imperfection.
That sounds gauzy and hippy-zen and impossible, right? Well, it’s really none of those things. So, without further ado, here are the things you should know about your wedding day that no one will ever tell you. (Except, um, I’m telling you, so you win.)
Your wedding day might not feel like you expect it to feel.
After reading tons of wedding magazines and zillions of wedding blogs, it’s hard not to have an idea of how your wedding day is going to feel. The thing is, that idea might be dead wrong.
First, I think we all hope our wedding day is going to feel pretty and chic. The one problem with this plan is that you can’t feel pretty, because pretty isn’t an emotion. Trouble! As my husband warned me before the wedding, it’s really important to differentiate between how wedding pictures look and how your wedding day will feel. Our wedding pictures look dreamy and beautiful, and for that I’m grateful. Our wedding ceremony, on the other hand, felt really gritty and raw. The ceremony felt intense, but not necessarily happy. And that was ok. There was plenty of time for joy at the party, and in the weeks of bliss to come.
So on the day itself, do everything you can to resist classifying your wedding day emotions as right or wrong. Maybe like me, your life will change hard and fast, in a moment of gritty intensity. Maybe you’ll ride a wave of joy, but just feel like you threw an awesome party, nothing life changing. Maybe you’ll so overwhelmed that you’ll weep for hours. Maybe it will be something totally different, and even more unexpected. Whatever you feel, let yourself feel it. It may not be at all what you expected, and that may be a blessing.
Your family is crazy, and that’s ok.
I know right? You’re sitting here reading this thinking, “My family isn’t crazy, my family is lovely! And besides, it’s my wedding day so they’ll be on their best behavior.” Well, sort of. Your family probably is lovely (mine is), but you know how everyone acts in high stress situations? You know how your mom freaks out on Christmas Day about having the table set just right, and you have the brother who’s super delightful but slightly socially awkward in large groups, and you have the two uncles that don’t really get along that well after the four whiskies they always insist on having? Yeah. That stuff is going to happen on your wedding day, because weddings are stressful. But here is the thing, it doesn’t have to matter.
Being a bride has certain perks, and one of those perks is being given a free pass to not give a sh*t. If your mom starts freaking out while you’re getting ready, have a sister or a best friend who’s tasked with pulling her aside and telling her to breathe. If your uncles start fighting with each other after their fourth glass of whisky, you have permission to just turn around and walk away.
You’re not going to be able to make everyone happy, and that’s fine. For ten hours of your life, your job is to protect your own experience. Your job is to refuse to get emotionally involved when people get stressed, and to just walk away and let it go. It’s tricky, but it only lasts for a few short hours. Tomorrow you can get totally pissed at your mom when she’s acting a fool, but for today, it’s not your problem.
What happens next is so much richer.
Because planning a wedding is a giddy mix of beautiful things, mixed with a serious dose of pain in the *ss, it’s easy to get focused on This One Day We Spent So Much Time And Money Planning. But that day is not the point. Your marriage is the point. So as your wedding day approaches, remember that this too shall pass. And what you’ll be left with is your marriage, which is infinitely more beautiful than the most stunning wedding dress in the world.
My wedding day? It was one of the great joys of my life. But the happiest day of my life? That was probably a lazy honeymoon day with my husband, drinking whiskey and looking at castles. Or maybe it was just any old lazy Sunday, reading the New York Times, lounging around the house… and oh yeah, not planning a wedding.
So congratulations. Not on this beautiful wedding you planned, but on making it to the other side. Welcome.
Photos by One Love Photo.
[Jane loves pretty paper and pretty things, so naturally her blog is one of my favorites. She’s also one of the most thoughtful people I’ve met in Blogland. Jane kindly agreed to guest blog today, and I thought her post was perfect for this first day of December.]
When Kathryn asked me to write a guest blog post for her, I was honored, as I am a big fan and longtime reader of Snippet & Ink. Soon after, reality set in and I was overcome with a terrible case of writer’s block. Snippet & Ink’s inspiration boards are so lovely that the blog is a visual feast: what could I come up with that could measure up?
I offer a favorite quote from James M. Barrie: “God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December.”
Kathryn, may the memories you shared on your wedding day be the foundation for a lifetime of roses. All my best to you and Ryan.
[Leila and I are both California girls who fell in love with Wisconsin boys, and she’s been a dear friend to me as we both planned our own weddings the past year. Usually she’s sharing her thoughts and inspiration over at Inspired By This, but today she’s here with a lovely guest post!]
If any of you have visited my blog or website, stopped by my office or can guess what color my home is then you know that GREEN is my absolute favorite color. I don’t discriminate when it comes to Green: Lime, Chartreuse, Emerald, Mint, Olive… they all get me oh so excited!
However, green has more than surface beauty. It symbolizes living and thriving, it is growth, abundance and forward motion. We see it daily at traffic lights signaling people to move ahead, on a vine bearing new fruit, and in tiny stems pushing their way upward from the earth.
Every Winter, the weather strips the trees of their leaves and the fields of their grasses, but we always know Spring will evoke life once again. Green is everywhere: Symbolizing life is fresh and new and full of beginnings!
As you plan your wedding, look for what inspires you! Is it a texture? A picture? A season? or a Color? If you love Green like I do then this post is for you!
May You Be Inspired!
A note to Kathryn: Kathryn I am so happy for you. Congrats on getting married! It’s been a wonderful time sharing in the wedding planning process together as we both prepared for our own weddings. I am moved that you asked me to be a part of this memorable journey and honored to call you a friend. The best of life is yet to come. Cherish it always.